Disability Jokes

Laughing About Disability – My Jokes and Stories

Jokes about Disability. People often ask: “Is it okay to laugh about disability?”

Humour is a powerful tool for coping, connecting, and even teaching. However, it’s not okay to make jokes about someone else’s disability. But it’s perfectly OK to laugh about yourself, your disabilities and how you navigate life.

The jokes are a mix of everyday frustrations, awkward encounters, and dark humour that only makes sense when you’ve lived it. Think of it as my autobiography, told one sarcastic joke at a time.

I hope you’ll laugh and think a little.

If you do, please follow me on social media using the icons at the bottom of this page (If you are browsing on a desktop, they are also found to the right).

And don’t forget to leave a comment!

If you want to use the jokes, feel free to tell them verbally, but refrain from placing them in print. Scroll down for the copyright and usage policies.

Here we go…

Wheelchair Fun (or not)

Sometimes the wheels behave… most of the time, they don’t.

• My chair only takes 3 seconds to go from zero to “sorry about your toes”.

• I asked Siri for the fastest route. She gave me the walking distance and time. How Rude!

• I once got pulled over for speeding… in a supermarket.

• I don’t get road rage. I get footpath rage.

• My wheelchair came with a horn. I upgraded it to the Ice Cream Van tune to attract kids and watch the disappointment on their faces.

• My wheelchair has a horn. I use it in church during long sermons.

• My cat Queenie thinks my wheelchair is a ride. Now I charge her Uber rates.

• My wheelchair has two speeds: tortoise and “there goes your ankles.”

• Wheelchair tyres pick up more chewing gum than shoes.

• Wheelchair jousting should be an Olympic sport.

Failed Business Ideas

Entrepreneurship is tough. Turns out not every disability idea is a winner. Here is another joke about disability.

• A few disability ideas that didn’t work. No one purchased my Naked Wheelies Calendar. My wheelchair yoga classes were boring as each class only had one position that I named “sitting in a wheelchair”. And each participant in paraplegic parkour got a second spinal cord injury.

Bad Advice

People love giving me tips. Spoiler: they’re usually terrible.

• A friend offered me the most stupid advice. He said, “If you want organisations to provide better accessibility, then you need to stand up for yourself”. How?

Marriage & Divorce

Relationships are hard. Add a wheelchair, and they’re squeaky too.

• During my divorce, I instructed my lawyers that under no circumstances should my ex-wife gain possession of my wheelchairs. Otherwise, I’d be crawling back to her.

• A wheelchair is like marriage: hard to turn, expensive to maintain, and squeaky if ignored.

A few Disability Jokes For Newbie Wheelchair Users

If you’re new to the chair, consider these survival tips.

• A tip for newbie wheelchair users – door frames are magnets for your knuckles.

• A tip for newbie wheelchair users – airline hostesses will distract you as the baggage handlers damage your wheelchair.

• A tip for newbie wheelchair users – many accessible toilets are either locked, broken, or storing furniture.

• A tip for newbie wheelchair users – stay clear of drunk friends. They will either push your chair too fast, or want to sit on your lap, or tip you out so they can use your chair to get home.

• A tip for newbie wheelchair users: children will ask you questions that adults are too afraid to ask.

• A tip for newbie wheelchair users: going downhill is fun, and uphill work builds character, fitness, and perseverance.

• A tip for newbie wheelchair users – be suspicious of phrases that include “it’s accessible”.

• A tip for newbie wheelchair users – some people will talk to your carer and not you. Tell them “Hi. I can talk!”

• A tip for newbie wheelchair users – expect strangers to congratulate you for leaving the house.

• A tip for newbie wheelchair users – the footplates of your chair are magnets for people’s shins.

• A tip for newbie wheelchair users – movie cinemas put wheelchair spots either in the neck-straining first row or in the back row, where the cinema screen is as big as your home TV.

• A tip for newbie wheelchair users – Your wheelchair is essentially like a VIP pass. Use it as often as you can.

Wheelchair Shoplifting & Smuggling Tips

Disclaimer: these aren’t recommendations. Just a little proof that people trust us too much.

• People seem to put misplaced trust in individuals with disabilities, such as people like me in a wheelchair. Wheelies could easily shoplift – just place the items under your top and zoom off at ten kilometres per hour. They can’t stop you. If they try to grab you, then that’s assault. If they stand in front of you, keep going. They will jump out of the way. Hope this helpful tip helps you.

• My chair has two batteries. If I took one out, I’d have room to hide anything. I could smuggle anything on a plane, as security would never open up the insides of a wheelchair! Hope this helpful tip helps you.

• In the unlikely event that you are caught, you should become emotional, make a scene, and enlist the support of bystanders. If that doesn’t work, then blame your carer. If you are caught smuggling, then blame the company that maintains your wheelchair. Hope this helpful tip helps you.

Born This Way

Some things I wasn’t given a choice about — like being ridiculously good-looking.

• I acquired a disability in 2009, but there is something that I was born with that I’d like to share. My parents and the medical staff immediately noticed it. As I grew up, it became more noticeable, particularly by women. OK, I am going to share it now. I was born with good looks.

Disability Jokes About Weddings and Miracles

If God didn’t heal me before the wedding, I still had backup plans.

• Before my daughter’s wedding, I went to every Pentecostal church I could find, hoping for a miracle. I planned to keep it a secret until the vows, as I wanted the day to be an event for all to remember. Imagine the shock when everyone hears, ‘Do you take this man?’ and I stand up yelling, ‘IT’S A MIRACLE. I CAN WALK!’

• As I didn’t receive a miraculous healing before my daughter’s wedding to walk down the aisle with her, I pondered on other ways to make the day memorable for her. Rather than being pushed by my son in my manual wheelchair as I held my daughter’s hand, I could spend a few hundred thousand dollars on an exoskeleton and walk down the aisle with her. Imagine her surprise when instead of everyone looking at the bride, they watch the father of the bride walking like a robot.

Do I Even Want Healing?

Miracles are great, but let’s be honest — I’d lose a lot of perks.

• People pray for me to be healed. And sure, Jesus could heal me. But here’s the problem: do I actually want to be healed? Think about it. The insurance companies would like their payouts back. Goodbye, custom-built home and most of my superannuation balance. My wheelchair has endurance. I can roll 20 kilometres without stopping. If I have to walk, I’d go a few hundred metres without resting. Airlines treat me like a VIP – priority boarding and special treatment. If I walked again, I’d be queueing up and fighting for overhead storage space. And finally, I stay in bed all night, peeing via my catheter that gathers the urine into a bottle. I don’t want multiple trips to the toilet at night with bare feet on cold tiles.

Wheelchair vs Walkers

It’s not a rivalry. Okay, maybe it is. A few disability jokes.

• You may have heard stereotypes about people in wheelchairs. But wheelies have stereotypes about walkers, too. Apparently, walkers love to travel in groups of four or more, side by side, blocking the entire footpath like a human roadblock. Wheelies can’t get through!

• Walkers queue for elevators, rush in, and then avoid eye contact when wheelies try to roll in.

• Walkers complain about back pain. Mate, I broke mine. Beat that.

• Walkers worry about leg day at the gym. Every day is arm day for me.

• Walkers say, “I could never live like you.” Really? Because most of them spend all day sitting on their bum anyway.

• Walkers stretch before exercise. I stretch before putting on socks.

Identity & Perceptions

What people think when they see me is often funnier than my jokes.

• Someone looked at me and my wheelchair and said, “You’re so brave.” I was ordering a coffee.

• My wheelchair doesn’t define me. However, it does allow me to park closer to the shops.

• People call me an “inspiration.” Translation: “Thanks for existing so I can feel less bad about my own life.”

• Walkers think wheelchairs are sexy. At least, that’s what drunk women tell me when they sit on my lap at parties.

Health & Hospitals

Doctors, nurses, meds — my healthcare journey deserves its own Netflix series with plenty of disability jokes.

• I told my doctor that laughter was the best medicine. He said, “Not with your pain levels. Stick to pain relief medications.”

• It’s been exactly 16 years since acquiring a disability. I want to thank Cedar College at Northgate, South Australia, for building my resilience by dropping a tree branch on me, breaking my spine, and presenting me with challenges that I had to face head-on.

• When I’m in the hospital, nurse handovers take 30 minutes to describe my medical conditions.

• My medical file has more sequels than the Fast & Furious franchise.

• My medication list is so long that Google Docs asked me to upgrade my storage.

• I have sleep apnea and narcolepsy. My sleep study results looked like a seismograph during an earthquake.

• Half my medications say “may cause drowsiness.” The other half says “may cause insomnia.” It’s a perfect balance.

• I have narcolepsy, a disorder characterised by uncontrollable daytime sleepiness. It’s handy for boring conversations. I say “sorry, my narcolepsy is making me tired. I need to have a rest.”

Disability Jokes About Accessibility Fails

Welcome to the world of “accessible” — where the only thing accessible is disappointment.

• Some venues have ramps so steep that I need a sherpa.

• Public footpaths: part concrete, part pavers, and part medieval torture device.

• I once booked an accessible Airbnb. The only accessible thing was the Wi-Fi.

• I once had a church pastor welcoming me to the church location only accessible via stairs. True story.

Darker Humour

Faith, pain, and sarcasm all meet here.

• When I go downhill, I pray. When I go uphill, I swear.

• A verse in the bible says the body is a temple. My body is more like a heritage-listed ruin.

Copyright & Usage of the disability jokes